So, I have finally, finally finished what seemed like it would be an endless succession of classes as an undergrad. My last week was kind of a strange one, especially psychologically; a constant justificatory bargain with some scholastic devil: Okay, seriously, what do I really have to go to? My last philosophy class is cancelled, so if I go to Dante on Tuesday, what difference is it really going to make if I don't show up on Thursday? (Yes, I did skip my last Dante class and yes, I do feel like a worse person for doing it. I did have my reasons, but they mostly involved me acting like a spoiled child/senior in her last week of school, so there.) But now? All over. Four years stressing over the chaotic balancing act of assignments, attendence records, papers, exams, and professorial approval(/disapproval), and after all that: no harm, no foul. Now all that's left is to hurl reams of paper with words on them at my professors until someone eventually hurls back another piece of paper that says I'm graduating. So close I can smell the ink on it already.
And no, I'm not walking in my graduation.
I've gotten mixed reactions to this statement from friends, family, and teachers. My mother, the only person whose opinion would really sway me on this one, is happy with my not walking as long as I'm happy with it (I am). She didn't walk in her college graduation, and I've been unsuccessfully trying to persuade her out of this whole walking thing for every graduation since kindergarten. Really, I can't overemphasize how little these things mean to me personally and how mind-shriekingly tedious they are to sit through. About half the people who hear I'm not walking reply with "Ohmigod why not?!" (to which I respond with the points laid out above). Some of my friends just shake their heads sadly and say, "Lucky." Some (along with several family and academic figures) try to persuade me to walk anyway: "It'll be fun and it's your day and you should be proud you've done so much!" And yes, I am proud. And I know that the people that mean the most to me certainly know what I have done and how hard I've worked to get here, and they are beyond proud of me. Most of the people in the PMAC don't know me or what I've done, and couldn't give less of a flying kazoo, because there are 5000 bajillion people to graduate in my college and all they want is a.) to see their whoever walk across the stage for 7.5 seconds and b.) to get the hell out of there. Not exactly the most appreciative of audiences.
Went on a bit of a rant there, but I've been inundated with this type of question lately, and I feel quite strongly about it. N.B.: I am not knocking anyone who decides to walk in his/her graduation. I am so proud of all of my friends who are graduating and I hope they all know that, and if I could stand to drown in LSU pomp and circumstance for one minute longer than I had to, I would be right there with them.
Anyway, all of this is just my way of continuing to be excited about exiting undergrad, along with (of course) putting off actually putting together my final philosophy paper and poetry portfolio.
Speaking of which, it is slightly harder than I anticipated to find literary journals/magazines to which I can submit right this second; all too many have either just closed their submissions or have gone on hiatus or aren't reading until fall or somethingsomething. So although I was going to post here a list of the journals to which I was thinking about sending poems... I'm not. Probably going to end up sending my stuff to Diagram, and though I love their journal, I would also love to have some backup options. I know I've mentioned all this, but have to start collecting those rejection slips sooner rather than later (I'm going to make a collage; pretty excited about it). Mayhaps I'll wade through all the fliers and slips I collected at AWP and see if any of them are still reading. Hm.
In any case, this procrastination attempt is going far better than attempting an outline on my philosophy paper/essay (two pagers of notes+quotes and counting!) so better go deal with that.
There's a very certain feeling that goes along with being able to mark freedom as a specific date on the calender. It's pretty great.
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