Thriving is just Getting By on Steroids

I've had a pretty good week. I think I've had a good week? Couple of weeks? Time oozes by in weird hunks for me, like slightly past date cottage cheese, so it gets hard to tell. But it inches by in good things-- The Poetry Brothel Rendezvous event went fantastically, bang up good time, etc, and I think I did well for myself--my skirts stayed on the entire time (dang) and did a generous handful (heh) of private readings, almost entirely to "clients" I'd never met before (almost all men, but I do look ravishing in a corset so can't blame them). I also have two pieces in the new Volume 4 of Smoking Glue Gun (GO READ), as well as work forthcoming in plain china. Also, finally got my rejection from Fairy Tale Review, not a bad thing--I wasn't sure if they had gotten my submission at all, and it was very pleasant and encouraging. I knew publication there was a pretty long shot, so it's nice to receive the positive response I did.

Anyway, was thinking on all this and realized--with more than a little relief--that this feels right. I feel really good about getting my work out there, and I'm excited to produce more. Yes, this is indeed what I want to be doing.

I had lost touch with that feeling for quite a while, and it was not only discomforting but actually a bit terrifying. Because I was still doing writing stuff, submitting, reading, but without any real heart behind it--and more importantly, without making any new stuff, better stuff. Basically writing a bunch of literary checks I couldn't cash. So pushing forward and pushing forward blindly, without knowing why or how I was going to keep it up...felt like I might end up pushing myself over a cliff in the dark. But now, for lack of some less trite image, there's a little bit of light, a Tinkerbell of encouragement: Yes, this is going to be hard. No, you are not a prolific prodigy but you have your damn foot in the door and that's better than some. Use it, you can take another step here. And here. Etc.

There are no fresh starts. Keep on keeping on.

realized / more sharply in more furious selves

Have been tunneling through the depths of a rather intense personal experience--or is is a series of personal experiences? what's the difference?--lately, as well as making a pretty solid aquaintence with some severe post-graduation blues. Not un-worth it, but still can be rough to negotiate at times. 

Still, despite being mired in my own head (but really, who isn't) for the majority of the last few weeks, it hasn't been all lack of progress. I have been writing, albeit in fits and starts, and even mustered u some material to submit to Belle Journal, this forthcoming lit journal I'm pretty excited about, centering around the modern Southern Belle &c. Really very interested to see what direction(s) they take the concept in. I'm already booked to return to the good ol' delta Highland Readings on the 18th, and another local reading series, River Writers extended an invitation to me to read as well. Unfortunately, because I work 6 days a week arcane rituals involving the sacrifice of money to even consider getting a shift picked up, I couldn't make it to read with River Writers, nor will I be able to support my friends at the first Highland Reading tonight.

BUT come hell, high water, or oppression by the System, I will be participating in the most exciting of literary opportunities: the Poetry Brothel. Link goes to the site of the original Poetry Brothel in New York, but there is a branch being established in New Orleans right this very now, and I have tossed my garter in the ring and been accepted as a founding poetry whore. I will be casting on a persona, of course, whose birthing pangs are still being felt. Progress expected on Saturday at first meeting. Seriously, I cannot properly communicate my excitement to be a part of the NOLA Poetry Brothel--at least not without using ALL CAPS A LOT, which I am rather loathe to do. Looks like I'm going corset shopping! Updates on the Brothel to follow, of course.

Aside from all these doors to word venues opening up, I'm just trying to take it one step at a time. This is a period of more than a little transition in my life and I'm still not sure which way everything is going to cut. Great amounts of trepidation and excitement and also giddiness swirling around in my head, in all of me, right now. It really gets rather exhausting at times, but better this than numbness. Everything is always beginning. Hang on tight.